When I launched the business I had a well researched and carefully laid out plan of how I was going to try to build and maintain a social media presence. Ideas for topics to discuss, imagery to use, the number of posts per week & when to post them (based on current astrological events, of course). The fire up my ass was well and truly lit, my passion for my work made it seem breezy - I wanted this, it was the perfect plan of action.

What I didn’t consider when I was meticulously planning how to dot my i’s and cross my t’s, was the shifts that would occur within me. I had formulated a plan so solid, I had left no space for me to grow.

I struggled against this. Old demons rising to the surface, clinging to the framework, seeing their opportunity to sink their claws back in. “Not smart enough, not talented enough, not pretty enough, not enough not enough not enough”! Previous patterns came in screaming, determined to squash me back down into a place of silence and servitude. Mentally I was overwhelmed, and I got physically unwell (yes, your mental head space plays out in your physical domain).

These are spirals I used to drown in, patterns that have kept me lost in cycles of suffering and self destruction for the better part of my life.

I faltered. I fell.

“Of course you are giving up, you always do”

Then I simply let it all go.

Why was I beating myself up because I wanted to spend more time with my friends instead of writing the “perfect" post? Why was I calling myself a failure because I wanted to sit in silent reverence with nature instead of composing the perfect photo? Why was I prioritising trying to make a connection with strangers on the other side of screen over deepening the bond with my own family?

Why? because that is my conditioning.

Why did I let it go? because FUCK MY CONDITIONING.

A beautiful mentor of mine once highlighted how deeply the 'Protestant work ethic’ had been installed within me. It is a work ethic that I have never got along with or abided to, and because I couldn’t it kept me in a constant flux of feeling like a failure and never being good enough. I have it written on my pin board in my studio, to remind me exactly how I shouldn’t be working.

I don’t want to produce for producings sake. I don’t want my content to fit the mould but be void of what makes me me. I don’t need to build an empire to prove my worth. I want to create from a place of deep love and communion with spirit. I choose authenticity over what society or social media would deem a success.

No force. No struggle. I do not need to do anything but simply be.

🤍🤍🤍