“Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased, pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow?” These are lines from Shakespeare’s Macbeth, known I am sure to many readers. Throughout our life we all endure emotional hurt. There are sneers, criticisms and remarks which we never forget. They are indeed rooted in our memory and the hurt is felt just as sharply years later as on the day it happened. There is another quotation which many will know. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” I absolutely disagree with this saying. Physical injuries can be mended but the callous, hurtful remark will be remembered forever. “Forgive and Forget” is another phrase often heard and our religion tells us that we must forgive. The longer we hold a grudge in our heart, the more we hurt ourselves. It will not hurt the offender who has probably forgotten the whole episode.

Perhaps we can with the passing years and greater understanding find it in our hearts to forgive but I think forgetting is a very different matter. You may think you have forgotten but one day something triggers the memory which comes up from our sub-conscious so I don’t think it is ever possible to forget. What, if anything, can be done about this situation? I think first we must all learn a lesson and vow never to cause emotional pain like this to another person. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” [Matt 7 : 12].

Before you pass a remark about someone ask yourself these three questions.
1) Is it kind?
2) Is it true?
3) Is it necessary?
This will stop you saying something you may later regret.

Let’s now turn to the other side of the coin. How often do you brighten someone’s day by paying them a compliment? Compliments are something you can hug to yourself and remember with gladness years later. Making a complimentary remark to someone can lift their spirits, push them forward to greater efforts in a task and increase their self-confidence. Remember your thrill of pride when you got a VG on your homework? If someone complimented you on your appearance didn’t your day light up? Some parents do not praise their children, perhaps thinking it will give them an inflated ego. Many people do not pass on an overheard compliment because of envy. How sad that in years to come you perhaps hear of words of praise that were never passed on to you and the discouragement caused you to give up on a project, task or hobby.

Our tongue is only a small part of our body but by its use it can give either pain or pleasure, it can say words of comfort to a bereaved person, it can inspire to greater efforts for good or influence its listeners to evil deeds. One only has to remember the “Blood and toil” speeches of Sir Winston Churchill in World War 2 and how they gave the British people courage to fight on against terrible odds. “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender” Compare this to the evil rhetoric of Hitler whose leadership speeches made his followers commit murder on a massive scale.

The Bible has much to say about the tongue. [ Proverbs 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”] Jesus Himself said that we would answer for every word we uttered. [Matthew 12: 36-37]. We talk of using our hands, eyes and hearts to create a better world. Let us remember what a powerful organ the tongue is and that the words that issue from our mouth can also make or mar our world. One of the principles of Spiritualism is Personal Responsibility so let no one think that one day they will not have to answer for cruel hurtful words uttered. Hopefully we will also be able to see how a kindly remark we have passed or a word of praise has brought positive joy, help and encouragement to someone’s life.

“Kind words are like honey sweet to the soul”.{Proverbs 16:24}

I am offering a free copy of my book “Why I am a Spiritualist” to anyone interested. Please contact me by email [email protected]